A BLONDE'S GUIDE TO THE APOCALYPSE

A BLONDE’S GUIDE TO THE APOCALYPSE
(or What to Wear to the End of Life as We Know It Party.)

Okay, so this isn’t what we (blondes) thought it was when we heard someone yell, “Here comes the big one!” So, yeah, we ran around screaming, “Where?” and “I want to see him!” and “How big is it?” for about a half-hour until it finally dawned on us, like, man meat . . .? I don’t think so. Like,dah! So, someone put me in charge and said, “Hey, Lynn, you know how to write—write  something down . . . we’ll follow you . . . come on, girl, take control, you can do it!” So, okay, let’s do this:

          First, let’s think of it as if we’re going on a cruise . . . a really long cruise, you know, like to the Mediterranean or the South Pole or somewhere and we have to pack a bag. Damn, I hate packing, don’t you? Oh well, let’s try to figure out what we’re going to need. I mean, we have to decide what’s really important. So, let’s get some lipstick, fingernail polish, and toenail polish, all in the “Blood-red” color. (Men, you can do this too!) And throw in some dark eye-shadow . . . very dark . . . like, I’m talkin’ black. When it’s time, you can apply same to appropriate areas. Be liberal and not too careful. Why? So when the post-apocalyptic zombies come for you, they take one look and think you look worse than they do. They won’t bother you.

          Second, you’re going to need a flashlight. Let’s not forget who’s the most important person in the room, any room, you are! So, if the end of the world means no electricity, and the lights go out, make sure that you can spotlight yourself so that everyone can see and know who to follow. Don’t forget the batteries.

          Third, tanning stuff! Let’s assume that some nice pool boy has left you a lounge chair with a super-big umbrella and a little drink table. (You don’t expect me to bring those things with me do you? Come on, boys, I’m blonde!) Pump-spray, so we don’t hurt the Ozone any more than the solar flare will when it knocks out the magnetic field surrounding the earth. That’s going to make things REALLY hot, and not the good kind of hot like the man meat I mentioned earlier. I suggest “Banana Boat, Deep Tanning Oil” SPF 4. Ignore the warning label that says, “Not rated for anything over 5,000 degrees Fahrenheit: Sun flares and all that.” And, don't forget your favorite pair of shades.

          Fourth, when you’re greased up and all, you’re going to need something to drink. Remember the little drink table? Water’s okay and I suggest you have some. In addition, you’ll need Bacardi Rum and an orange. (Have a pocket knife so you can slice up that orange and put it on the rim of your glass.) Finish out your drink with a cocktail umbrella because they’re really cute. Get one that matches your fingernail polish, because it's not whether you live or die, it's whether you're "lookin' good!"

          Fifth, is a package of Oreo cookies. According to the Mayan Calendar, the world is going to end 12-21-12. Fortunately, the design on the Oreo cookie says not to worry.

          Finally, if you survive the Solar Flare, the giant Asteroid, and/or being sucked into the enormous Black Hole at the center of the Galaxy when the planets align, you’ll need a can of tuna. (Bring your own opener because I don’t do that. I’m blonde, remember?)  Oh, and by the way, bring a deck of cards to play Solitare in case you're the only one who survives. See you all on the other (Blonde) side of midnight . . . December 22, 2012!

THE ART OF CO-WRITING BOOKS

When I tell people I work with my husband, the immediate reaction is, “Oh, I could never work with my husband/wife!” To which I reply, “Then you’re married to the wrong person.”

Not only do we work together, but we play together, study together, research together, sing together, and travel together (when I can get Mr. Recluse to leave the house).

Recently, in addition to writing songs together, he’s the music, I’m the lyrics; we began to write books together. The difference being that when co-writing a song, it is usually done in a day, demo’d the next day and pitched the day after that. When co-writing a book, it is a lot harder and a lot longer.

Songs are roughly sixteen lines that tell a story: beginning, middle and end. They can take as little time as twenty minutes to write (I love when that happens), or as much time as several months. But, for the most part, they are done fairly quickly.

Books, on the other hand, are much more complex. The story is done with the same word pictures, being careful to craft every word so that the reader’s time is not wasted, but more time is spent in the effort.

Take the first book in our trilogy, “Fortune’s Web.” We talked the story out, back and forth, for at least six months before we committed any words to paper. During those six months, we developed characters, discussed plot points, planned conspiracies, and established strategies.

Our characters moved in with us. They got up with us in the morning, ate every meal with us, and sometimes woke us up at night. They talked back when they didn’t like the direction we were taking them, and let us know by not working out with a particular plot or story. We would know within a matter of weeks if a character would not work with a conspiracy, and we would have to make a change. They began to take on a life of their own.

After we were sure we knew the story forwards and backwards, we wrote an outline. Yes, I put my high school English class to good use, and I’m glad I listened when the lesson was, “How to Make and Use Outlines.” We were very clear what we wanted in each chapter.

After making the outline, we wrote a synopsis of each chapter on a different page. Sometimes these synopsizes were as small as one paragraph, and sometimes they were over a page depending on what needed to go into that particular chapter.

This is the spot where we knew that the book would hold together. This was the time we would add or delete chapters, or combine them if the situation warranted.

Once all the chapter synopsizes were done, we put the leaves in the dining room table and opened it up as large as it would go (it could seat 12). We then placed each chapter in order around the table so we could walk around reading each of the chapter paragraphs to see if the book was in the right order. At this time, we changed the orders of the chapters, added chapters where needed, or added stories on a particular page. It was fascinating.

Only when we were satisfied that the story was complete did we start writing on the book . . . but we didn’t write it in order. Since we knew what the story was, we could choose any chapter we wanted to write on any given day and know what had to be covered in that chapter. I would wake up one morning, and if I felt sexy that day, I would write one of the sex scenes. If I was feeling violent one day, I would choose one of the fight scenes or one of the murder scenes. We would print out what we wrote on that day and put it under the chapter synopsis that it went with.

We found out that we had very different writing styles. I would write on the computer downstairs in my office, and Kerry would write on his computer upstairs. Every two or three hours, we would check in on each other to see our progress.

I write by vomiting words from my fingers. I can sit down and start writing immediately and within three hours, I will have sixteen pages written on a particular story. Of course, there are a lot of repeats, and parts of those sixteen pages that are not useable, but I needed to get it all out to be able to keep the gems.

Kerry, on the other hand, will agonize over whether it is “and, or ,and” (and comma or comma and), and after three hours, will have written three sentences. Those will be three perfect sentences, but one paragraph is what he will have done in that time frame.

Lucky for us, we get along, and do not insist on having our own way, although I’m a little more protective of what I write than Kerry is.  It is at this point that we switch what we are working on and proceed to write on each other’s chapters. I will take his perfect paragraph and begin to vomit words all over it. He will take my sixteen pages and act as an editor, cutting and pasting, deleting and adding, until it is concise and tells the reader only what we want to at the time. We may switch several more times on the same chapter.

Now back to where I started, working with each other. Once we have accomplished writing on each other’s chapters, we will sit down together and go through the chapter again making sure we both agree with what has been added and what has been deleted. When we need to add something, I throw up all the words I can as fast as I can and Kerry says, “Yeah, that’s good, but if you said it this way, it might be better." It is often the case that characters are changed and stories are rewritten at this time.

In “Fortune’s Web,” only one month before the book was to be published, we totally changed the ending, adding in several plot points to make the book into the trilogy you read today. Originally, the book was just the novel and a sequel, but we had a great idea to make it into a trilogy that you’re going to love.

That brings up another problem. In “Fortune’s Web,” we had to be sure to leave the book open-ended so as to have some characters return in “Blood Debt,” the second part of the trilogy. We also had to introduce some characters in “Blood Debt” that would return in our third book, “Collusion.” It is difficult to put in “birds” that will come into play in later books, and yet, not give away too much of the third book’s story.

“Blood Debt” is half written and it is just as exciting as “Fortune’s Web.” And, we already have the story and most of the outline on “Collusion.”

Between our two extremes, we find a perfect blend. We have to remember that writing is hard work, so we leave our egos at the door and our attitudes in the garage, and get the job done.

We’ve been writing partners now for twenty-six years. Let’s see if we can hold it together for a few more years until we get some more books written for you to enjoy.

THE ART OF CO-WRITING SONGS

Since the first time I picked up a “Big K” guitar at the age of 10, I knew I wanted to do something with music. The first song I ever learned was, “If I Had the Wings of an Angel.” I don’t even know if it was a real song, but my neighbor taught it to me anyway, and I sang it loud and proud. It had three chords, and as I learned how to sing and play at the same time, sometimes the singing would have to wait as my fingers searched for the right chords. It would go something like this: Play G chord and sing, “If I had the wings of an . . . (long pause to change to C chord) . . . angel, over . . .” (long pause to change to D chord) . . . “these prison walls I would . . .” (long pause to change back to G) . . . “fly. . . .”  It was painful to listen to, but somehow, my parents endured. I decided right then and there that it would be my destiny to sing and play. I kept at it and two years later my folks finally had pity on me and my “chopped-liver fingertips,” and they got me a guitar whose action was great: my LGO Gibson that I still write on today. (LG stands for “Ladies Guitar” and it was prototype #0).

Back then, I was writing short stories, poetry, articles for the paper and letters to anyone who wanted them. Little did I know at age 10 that I could put my writing and my singing together to make a song. I continued to sing and play guitar all through high school and college, even using my guitar to teach French grammar during my early twenties.

It was 1980, and I was making dinner on my Kansas horse farm, when my then disc-jockey husband came in with a friend who just happened to be Johnny Cash’s son-in-law. He had recorded a CD in Nashville and wanted to play it for us. His name was Jack Routh and his CD was great. He had written all the songs, and I was enthralled. I told myself right then that I could write songs too if I put my mind to it, even though I hadn’t played my guitar in several years.

Jack inspired me to pull my guitar out from under my bed and to play again . . . he even brought me new strings the following day. I stayed up all night playing until my fingertips were bleeding. That very next day, I wrote my first song. It was terrible, but I sang it to my daughter anyway . . . she was three months old and couldn’t get away from me. I sang to her for hours. She tolerated it like a trooper.

I continued to write songs by myself for several years until I moved to Nashville and found the Nashville Songwriters Association International (www.nashvillesongwriters.com). It was only then that I found out how bad my songs really were. Pitching them around town was an eye-opening experience. I was thrown out of many of the publishing companies up and down Music Row. I decided to join NSAI to perfect my craft.

Through the many workshops, seminars, song camps and mentors offered by NSAI, I perfected the craft of songwriting, and was introduced to co-writing. My friend, Tommy Rocco, once told me: “Co-writing is great because when you get your award, there’s always someone up on the stage with you to slap on the back and say, ‘Great job’!”

What a wonderful experience co-writing is, but in order to do it, there are certain rules you have to follow:

1.    If you wanted it your way, why are you co-writing?

2.    Contrary to popular belief, you are not the be-all and the end-all to songwriting.

3.    Everything that comes out of your mouth is not brilliance.

4.    When you co-write, there are other people in the room who have a say.

5.    You are not always right. If one person doesn’t like it, then it’s gone. No defending:  You find another way to say it or play it. (This is really hard with three or more writers)

6.    You don’t always have to have the last word.

7.    Getting angry is not allowed.

8.    Never be afraid to give up your “best” line. You can always go back to it.

9.    Sometimes lines are bad no matter how much emotion you read into them.

10. “Elbow” and “Orange” only rhyme in Bluegrass music. Don’t fight for the bad rhyme.

When I met my husband, hit songwriter Kerry Chater, on a blind date in 1986, we sat out on my stoop and wrote a song . . . our first date (how lucky was I)? That was the first song we wrote together and it was pretty good, although it never got recorded. The song came out of a conversation about ex-girlfriends/boyfriends, things you’re not supposed to talk about on a first date. My ex-boyfriend used to sneak away from the girl he left me for, (I found out later he was married and it was his wife) and would call me from a phone booth outside Godfather’s Pizza in Nashville. I told Kerry I would hear trucks and cars driving by when he called (I always wondered why he never called me from home . . . okay, I’m blonde!) As I told the story, Kerry would sing the lines back to me. The song was called, “Someone New,” and it went like this:

“Sounds like you’re in another phone booth, so why are you calling me? You’re still with her, the way you were, when you left me alone. And did I say, your same old lies, still cut like a knife? And did I mention, there’s someone new in my life?”

It goes on for another verse, chorus and bridge, but I won’t bore you with that now.

Co-writing with your husband/wife is another animal all together. With a co-writer you are not married to, you spend between three to five hours together writing a song, and then go your separate ways, often not seeing each other again for weeks or months.

When you’re married to your co-writer, you wake up together, eat together, pay bills together, clean house together, spend three to five hours writing a song together, eat together again, discuss the day’s problems, play together and sleep together. There is never an “off” time. Not that I’m complaining, mind you.

Kerry was co-founder and the original bass player of the hit rock group, “Gary Puckett and The Union Gap.” The Gap was on the road 300 days out of 365 for the four years Kerry was in the group. Consequently, now Kerry never leaves the house. Some might even call him a recluse. Because of this, we built a recording studio in our home, and he taught me how to engineer while he played and sang all of our demos. It’s really a sweet arrangement.

But, as with all co-writing, writing with your spouse takes a special understanding. Our number one rule is no disagreements in the studio. That means, if he is mad at me for something: I didn’t separate the wash and turned all his underwear pink or shrunk his favorite shirt; left the gas tank on empty when I borrowed his car, or forgot to hit save before I changed programs on the computer and lost three hours of his music programming; when we walk through the studio doors, we are like two guys coming together to write a song. By the time we come out of the studio, we’re saying, “Boy, that’s a great song,” and totally forgot why we were mad in the first place.

When we write together with an artist, or another co-writer, we usually start at 1PM and go to 5PM. We talk for about 15 minutes around the kitchen table, usually with something to drink or eat, catching up so that when we go up into the studio to work, that’s just what we do . . . work. Kerry will sit at his keyboard, a Motif 8, with a Motif 6 stacked on top of it, and an ES Yamaha keyboard brain on top of that. We have 2 TX7’s (remember them?) and a host of software. We use all those keyboards for bass, strings, horns, and drums. It all gets sequenced on Cakewalk's SONAR, which has an endless number of virtual tracks, and played back on a Yamaha 01X, which is a digital audio workstation (the tech-heads just sat up and took notice and I just lost the creators). We use SONAR instead of ProTools because when we started in the digital world, ProTools didn’t have notation (SONAR did) and Kerry likes to edit the musical notes. If we happen to be writing with an artist, like Bluegrass sensation, Donna Ulisse, we stay around the kitchen table with our guitars, since there are no electronic musical instruments in Bluegrass. On one of my earlier blogs, there is a 10 min. video of Donna, Kerry and I talking about co-writing, and it’s pretty funny. You can find that on our webpage, (***Shameless Plug Alert***) www.chatersongs.com under my blog, “Freedom Rock” or on YouTube. Just search our names.

Because Kerry is a musical genius, he can play and program all that equipment. I either sit at the console or right next to him at my writer’s station where I have a computer keyboard with all my lyrics on it, and access to the thesaurus, and rhyming dictionaries.  I usually hold my guitar and strum along with Kerry when I’m not typing lyric ideas. We discuss a lot in the studio, usually with me doing my “stream of consciousness” lyric thing. Writing together for so many years, it is often difficult for another co-writer to come in and keep up, since Kerry and I can finish each other’s sentences. But usually, we write with the same people we’ve been writing with for years, and it works. There is a lot of laughter since everyone knows I’m the original ditsy blonde, and I’m not afraid to be the brunt of the joke.

When Kerry and I write together alone, we try to keep the same regulated hours, 1PM to 5PM, Monday through Friday. If you don’t treat songwriting like a regular job, you’ll wind up in your jammies at two in the afternoon. Of course, we don’t always keep that regulated schedule. We have awakened in the middle of the night and one of us will have an idea and we will get the guitars and write the song right there in bed. One of our “late night co-writes” was called “Trouble At The Door,” and can be found as the Title Cut on Donna Ulisse’s first Country CD on Atlantic Records. That’s the beauty of sleeping with your co-writer.

Since Kerry was the star writer when we first began co-writing, it was hard creating with him. He had been writing for fifteen years before I started, so when I would come up with a brilliant idea and he’d say, “I wrote that one with Rory Bourke.” The conversation would continue. Me: “How about. . .?” Him: “Yeah, Tommy and I got a CMA nomination for that title.” Me: “What about. . . . ?” Him: Austin and I wrote that one and it got a Grammy.” Frustrated, I’d say, “Is there a title you haven’t written?”

He doesn’t cut me any slack either. He’d have his back to me playing the piano and I’d have my guitar on my lap pitching lyric ideas (I’m mostly the lyrics, he’s mostly the music). I’d throw out a line or a story and he’d stop playing and turn around and say, “Lynn, I hate that!”

When we do get a song, by the time I finish the lyrics and type out the finished product, he has the demo ready to put on the vocals. I’ll engineer and he’ll go into the vocal booth and lay down the vocal in front of our Neumann U-87 mic that we bought from the royalties we received when Jamie Foxx (yes, that Jamie Foxx) sang “You Look So Good In Love” on the prime-time CBS special “George Strait – 50 Number One’s.” After he lays down the lead vocal and some of the background vocals, I’ll go in and lay down the higher backgrounds while he engineers. We have a host of Expanders/Compressors, Limiters, Pre-Amps, Delays and Reverbs that we have at our disposal and use often.

But, there are times when that synergy happens, those stars align and everything you say clicks. I remember writing our triple platinum Mindy McCready hit, “Have A Nice Day” (on her Ten Thousand Angels CD). I was telling him the true story of my Aunt Jewell in Kansas who met her husband as a waitress in a small cafe. Every line in the story I told, he sang back to me. It went like this: “She puts the coffee, on the counter, before he takes his seat.” He’d sing that back. Me: “And slides the sugar, closer to him, she knows he likes it sweet.” He sang it back as he tapped on my guitar. Me: “And then she lingers, with busy fingers, waiting for his smile.” He sings back those lines a cappella as he continues tapping. Me: “They talk about the, rainy weather, she’s thinking all the while. . . .” He sings again. We didn’t change one word or one note of that song, and it was done in twenty minutes. Thank you, Lord!

We've had a lot of songs come out like that. But, then again, we’ve had some that were like pulling teeth to get out. One song, “Her Heart’s Got A Mind Of Its Own,” which is on Kerry’s new CD, “Blue-Eyed Blues,” (***shameless plug alert***available on I-Tunes, CD Baby and as digitaldownload on Amazon), was so hard, it took us a year and a half to finish. The first verse and chorus were a breeze, but the second verse was impossible. Every week we would work on that song and when I couldn’t come up with a lyric that he would like, he’d put another instrument on the track to inspire me. By the time we finished that song, the track was HUGE, and the demo was DONE!

As co-writers, we’ve written close to a thousand songs in the twenty-five years we’ve been writing together. Last year, our songs were played on the radio in the United States and twenty-three foreign countries. I’m still amazed how much American music influences people all over the world. I realize the gift I was given and I feel very blessed to be able to work every day with the man I love, make music together, and continue to write songs for our friends.

If you remember the rules, there’s nothing better than sitting down with a friend/lover, in front of a blank screen or paper, and in four hours or less, coming up with genius that people will want to hear. Co-writing . . . (slap on the back) . . . Great job!

So, You’ve Written The Great American Novel . . . Now What?

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You’ve done what you’ve always wanted to do . . . write a novel. It’s taken you months, years, decades; so now what do you do? Do you buy the Writer’s Digest and spend hours writing query letters to send to literary agents? Do you search the web to find websites like AgentQuery or dailywritingtips to find the perfect person to send you back the rejection letter, or better yet, one who wants money to shop your book?

We’ve been that route, not the “pay someone to shop the book,” but the Writer’s Digest and getting a New York City top agent to shop our novel. Most literary agents do not simultaneous submit. Here in the songwriting world where I come from, we write a song and send it to as many artists and producers as we can. Whoever takes it first gets to record it. It is not uncommon to have multiple people in line waiting to record a song, or even to have multiple artists record or cover the same song.

In traditional book publishing it is different. A literary agent can get “blackballed” if they do simultaneous submissions. Most publishers take three to six months to read a book and get back to the agent with a yea or nay. For someone who has written songs professionally for the last twenty-five years, that is just too long.

Lucky for us, “the times they are a changing” (to quote Bob Dylan). With the advent of the Internet and eBooks, the Nook, the Kindle, the iPad and the Smart Phone, physical books are no longer the norm. Now don’t get me wrong, there are folks out there who still want to feel the pages of a physical book in their hands, I’m one of them. But there is a new generation of tech nerds out there who don’t know life without some form of computer.

Self-publishing is not for the faint of heart. It is a lot of work, but it can be done. Here is how my husband and I did it. First, we wrote the book on Microsoft Word 2010. Ours was a thriller novel, the first in a trilogy called, “Fortune’s Web.” We wrote it together, but that is fodder for another blog.

After writing many versions of the manuscript, and editing those versions ourselves “ad nausium,” we needed to have someone else study it. After reading a manuscript 10 times or more, one’s eye sees the correct version whether the word is spelled right or not. (Editing: it’s the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.)

Editors can cost up to $1,500 to edit a book, and many of them charge by the word. We had 83,000 words in this novel, and no budget to have it professionally edited. Since I am a former French and English teacher, I used my grammar expertise to do the best editing I could. I also called on everyone I knew, from my teacher friends to family, to edit our book.

Okay, so you’ve written the great American novel, re-written the novel and edited the novel. Now you’ve imagined the bitchin’ cover of all time, one that will cement your book into the minds of the public. How do you get the image from your mind to the cover of your best seller?

It helps to have a genius son who is a tech wizard, Christopher John Chater; a friend and former student who is a world famous photographer, Mike DuBose; and the best friend of your daughter who just happens to look like your heroine, Jessica Kneeland. That’s how we did it on no budget, but I’m sure the same principles would apply with you taking the picture (or a photographer of your choice . . . just watch the dpi . . . it should be at least 72 for the eBook and 300 for the physical book).

We had a concept in our minds and tried several versions of our cover before we came out with the “Fortune’s Web” cover as it stands now. There is a program called Gimp, we used the 2.6 version. This is an image manipulation program and you can download it for free. Once you get the hang of it, it is really quite easy to use.

Now that you have your cover photo or artwork, make sure you have permission to use it and follow all copyright laws. We don’t want anyone getting sued for copyright infringement. It is time to put the concept together.

Using Gimp 2.6, put your cover artwork together. There is a template or you can make your own. Chris put public domain pictures and fonts together with Mike’s photo to make it look like our model was platform diving from the barrel of a Browning Hi-Power Semi-Automatic Pistol. This was Chris’ concept and we thought it was brilliant. Then together, we chose the font, the size and the color. We spent many hours on the phone talking over the decisions we made and even used Gimp ourselves to make the final small changes we wanted.

The cover was originally blue, but when we uploaded it to Createspace.com to get the physical book together, the blue that we had for the original front cover did not match the blue that Create Space had for the back cover. Since they didn’t provide the color number, it was impossible to match the blues on the front and back cover, therefore forcing us to the black cover background. We knew black is black is black and it would match front and back.

Once you are certain you have caught the mistakes and have your cover completed, it’s time to upload it to Smashwords.com. We used Smashwords because they also help you to get onto the other sites. In order to do this one needs an ISBN number (International Standard Book Number) which helps identify your book. ISBN issuance is country specific, author specific and publisher specific. In the United States the privately held company R. R. Bowker is the responsible entity, and there is a charge, which varies depending upon the number of ISBNs purchased, with prices ranging from $125.00 for a single number.

But, Smashwords.com will give you an ISBN number for free if they are listed as the publisher of record. Publisher here does not mean copyright holder. The copyright holder is the author. Think of Smashwords more as a distributor. They help you distribute on Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Sony reader store, Diesel eBook Store and the Apple iBookstore. You can earn 65% of List Price from major eBook Retailers and 85% Net at Smashwords.com. With traditional publishers, your earnings are usually 17.5%.

Now it’s time for the formatting. The document needs to be formatted and saved as a .doc file. Formatting for Smashwords is explained in Mark Coker’s book which is free on Smashwords.com. Once you are ready to e-publish, format your manuscript to a Microsoft Word .doc file. Then click “Publish” and follow the steps to upload your book and cover image on Smashwords.com.

If you want to format your book for Amazon.com, it’s a little different. The .doc file needs to go to the web-filtered HTML file. From there, one uses the Amazon software program, Mobipocket creator, to build the book into a .prc file which allows you to read it on Kindle apps. Then you upload it to your Kindle account through AmazonKDP.com. It takes you step by step through the process. We opted not to use the KDP Select option (share library) because I just don’t know enough about it yet and need to research that a bit more. We can always add it later on.

Once we had the cover pictures, the font size for title, authors, blurbs, etc. we procured the barcode by following the easy steps on Createspace.com. Create Space is a part of Amazon.com which does POD (Print On Demand). Using POD is much more environmentally friendly than traditional publishing practices in the past. Before, publishers would do a print run of say 50,000 books and send them out to bookstores. If they were not all sold in the first year of their release, they were returned to the publisher and destroyed. Roughly 35% of a traditional publisher’s print run were pulped. That’s a lot of waste!

Now came the hard part: getting the manuscript accepted into the physical book template. Chris and I were on the phone for 10 hours trying to upload the manuscript to the createspace.com website to get the physical book printed. In one way, it is easy to upload, but it is hard to get margins, gutters, images, blurbs all to go together to get a perfect book. I have to give Chris credit for sticking with it. Every time Create Space gave us the book to proof, there would be another part wrong: the font wasn’t embedded, the gutters were wrong, a picture dpi wasn’t large enough, page numbers were repeated, there were blank pages in the middle of the book. Finally we got it right and got it to read correctly. Then it was off to have a proof printed.

Throughout this process, no money was needed. I loved that. The only thing I had to pay for was a physical proof of our book. I could have done that for free too if I wanted to proof it digitally. But, being the old fashioned girl that I am, and needing to see the physical book to really get an idea of what it’s going to look like, I paid the $5.00 for the proof and the shipping to get it here.

We get the proof in a few days. Both of us will read the physical proof and go through it before we print. Shouldn’t be long now.

If you want to buy an advanced copy of the thriller, “Fortune’s Web” or an autographed copy, just message me on Facebook or email me through chatersongs@comcast.net and put “Fortune’s Web” in the subject line. I’ll be waiting to hear from you.

VOTE FOR ME

It was a sunny day, the first Sunday in November, back in 1980. I was in the kitchen of my little farmhouse, first homesteaded by Rutherford B. Hayes . . . yes, that Rutherford B. Hayes. Technically, my address was R.R. 2, Inman, Kansas, but actually, I was 11 miles from Inman, in a different county. But Inman was the closest “town” with a post office.

My 20 acre Kansas horse farm was located on the southwest corner of a mile square section of land, on a dirt road. Back then; all the roads in the county, except the major highways, were dirt. But I didn’t mind. The house was far enough off the road; it didn’t get the dust thrown up by the occasional passing car. My nearest neighbor was over a mile away, across the flat wheat fields, but with the Cottonwood and Cyprus trees lining the sections, I couldn’t see any signs of civilization. It was beautiful.

Standing in my kitchen (which was also my dining room and living room); I could see a pick-up pass along the road in the distance . . . an unusual sight on a Sunday afternoon. I didn’t think anything of it until, some minutes later; the truck came down my long, sandy driveway and parked by my kitchen window. I had just moved to Kansas three months before and knew very few people, including the nicely dressed older couple who just pulled onto my land. While the woman stayed in the cab of the truck, the farmer got out carrying a tin. Before he could knock at my door, I was there, curious as to who would even know where I lived.

“Afternoon young lady, I’m Jackson Whitaker and my wife Opal Mae is yonder in the truck. I’m running for County Clerk in Tuesday’s election, and Miss Opal and I are driving around the county introducing ourselves to the county folk. We’re delivering these cookies that Miss Opal made and asking for your vote.”

Wow. I grew up near Newark, New Jersey, where the mayor ran for re-election from his jail cell . . . and won. I was unaccustomed to this.

“How sweet . . . won’t you come in?” I offered, pleased to have visitors to my lonely abode.

“That’s nice of you, Little Missy, but we have a lot more people to go see.  Just remember to vote for me, Jackson Whitaker for County Clerk, on Tuesday.  Enjoy the cookies.”

I promised I would, seeing that he made the effort to come all the way out to my place with homemade cookies, just to ask for my vote. That would never happen in New Jersey.

Tuesday came, and I was sitting in my office in Hutchinson, and I figured I had better find out where I needed to go to vote.  I called the Rice Co. Courthouse to find my precinct.

“Hello. I’m new to Kansas and I need to know where to vote. I live in Inman.”

“Are you in Inman?” the lady asked.

“No, I’m in Rice County.” I corrected.

“Then you’ll have to go to the old Rice County Elementary School just outside of Lyons, on the 9 mile road.”

“The nine mile road? How do I get there from R.R. 2?”

After writing down the directions that included, “Go 20 miles west, turn right at the big red barn, go three sections, and then another right by the two silos on the old Roland place, and then a left at the stop sign . . . you can’t miss it.” I felt lost already.

But, I’m always up for a challenge, so I thanked her and was about to hang up the phone when she said, “Don’t forget to get there before 5 p.m.”

“Before 5?” I inquired. “I thought the polls stayed open until 7.”

“Well, there’s no electricity in the old school, so you have to get there before the sun goes down.”

“No electricity?” I was baffled . . . then added, “So, how do you run the voting machines?”

“Voting machines?” she replied, as if I had spoken another language.

I thanked her and hung up the phone, planning to leave work in plenty of time to get to Lyons. I knew it would take me the better part of an hour to get to the polling place, so I left work at 3:30. One thing about driving in Kansas . . . it’s all straight lines.

I followed her directions and sure enough, past the barn, the sections and the silos, I turned left at the stop sign and there I was, in the dirt parking lot of an abandoned red-brick school building. There was one other car in the lot. I entered the building, and into what was the gym/cafeteria at one point.

There were two ladies sitting behind a desk in the middle of the room . . . one of them was crocheting, the other reading a book.  “You must be Lynn, number 35. You’re the last one. We’ve been waiting for you.”

They offered me a cookie and a small, paper cup of punch, pointed to the solitary card table and chair, and presented me with an inch thick, stapled package of legal-sized paper. Each office up for election was on a separate page beginning with the candidates for President: Jimmie Carter and Ronald Reagan, among others. Then there was a page containing names of those running for Vice President, a page of names for the Senate seat, the Congressional candidates, the State Senate, the State Congress, and so on . . . all on separate pages.

I leafed through the papers, one after the other, searching for the County Clerk page to find the name Jackson Whitaker, to vote for the nice man who came to my farmhouse, homemade cookies in hand, to ask for my support. I finally got to the County Clerk page expecting to search through all the candidates to find him, and there was his name . . . Jackson Whitaker.

He was running unopposed!

SOPA and PIPA…A SONGWRITER’S PERSPECTIVE

This is a true David and Goliath story . . . and don’t forget, David was a songwriter. With all the uproar and misinformation being circulated I thought, as a working songwriter (yes, it’s my real job), I would weigh in on the issue.

For me, the Internet has been a blessing and a curse. A blessing because now people all over the world can hear my music, and a curse because now people all over the world can hear my music . . . for FREE. There is already a law in place that allows the Justice Department to shut down US sites that illegally traffic in copyrighted material . . . it’s called the DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act) and I worked to get that Bill passed through Congress in 1998. If the U.S. has such a law to limit the illegal “Downlooting” of copyrighted material, why shouldn’t foreign sites be held to the same laws?

There has been a lot of “The Sky Is Falling” misinformation circulating on the Web. This information is coming from large corporations like Google, Yahoo, Wikipedia, and Ted TV. Google makes a huge percentage of its profits from illegal sites, so they don't want them to be shut down. These bills would have impacted Google's ability to get for free, content that they get paid advertising dollars to "locate," or use in their social network. I have yet to see any songwriter get paid money from Google, Wikipedia or any of the other large conglomerates who make Billions in advertising dollars on the backs of the creators, who get paid in micro-pennies. . . talk about the 1%!

The eighth commandment, Thou Shalt Not Steal is a commandment, not a suggestion. Every religion has a form of this. I wouldn’t think of walking onto a Porsche car lot and “sharing” the newest 911 Turbo. After all, the Porsche Company is so rich, they wouldn’t miss one. Or, walking into an Apple store and “sharing” their I-Pad 2, MacPro, the new MacBook Air or even an I-Pod for that matter . . . Apple, Inc. has so much money, they wouldn’t even miss it. No, I don’t do it because it's stealing. Just like I don’t want people to steal my tangible property, I don’t want them to steal my intellectual property either. I didn’t start out as a rich songwriter, and I am not rich now, but I did sacrifice a lot to get where I am. For decades, I worked hard at two jobs, as a single Mom, raising a daughter who ate peanut butter and jelly everyday of her life till she graduated from high school (insert violins here).

It’s still surprisingly easy to set up a site that offers illegal content and profit from it from advertising and subscriptions or sales. And when such sites are operated overseas, they are effectively impossible for copyright holders to reach through DMCA takedowns or an ordinary copyright infringement lawsuit, yet such services are available to anyone in the US with an internet connection. SOPA and PIPA would have given the Attorney General and copyright holders more effective remedies designed to cut off the money flowing to these types of rogue websites.

And how would free speech in the U.S. be affected by shutting down websites in Russia or China who traffic in illegal activity? It wouldn’t!  And how would it heIp songwriters get paid their rightful royalties? I guess we’ll never know since SOPA and PIPA have been postponed indefinitely.

In this fight of David and Goliath . . . looks like Goliath won this round! What a truly sad day for all copyright holders indeed.